Stand-Up…

Photographic Proof! Photo courtesy of Raybon Kan

Photographic Proof! Photo courtesy of Raybon Kan

I keep getting myself into interesting situations.

The most recent happened just last Friday at The Cabana in Napier.

Kiwi comedian Raybon Kan is touring the country with his latest stand-up show.

Being a fan of his, I shared the gig details online and sent him a welcoming tweet offering to buy him a coffee and tongue-in –cheekily saying if he needed a warm up guy, I’d be happy to help – and thought little more of it.

Raybon’s reply was a little more than I expected:

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I like to think I’m reasonably funny – I get chuckles out of friends and colleagues, I’ve performed on stage many times and regularly MC cricket club events, quizzes and the like so doing a five minute stand-up gig couldn’t be too hard could it?

COULD IT????

Cue that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach for a couple days…

I formulated a list of my best, most trust-worthy jokes, but the presentation order – heck the presentation itself was left pretty much up in the air.

Friday night rolled around and I wandered into The Cabana, gently trembling with adrenalin, and met Raybon in person for the first time.

We discussed how things would go – I’d be on for five minutes – there’s no clock or timer visible from the stage and the problem with stand-up comedy is you have no real concept of time up there (If things are going terribly, a minute can feel like five. If things are going great, five minutes feels like one) so either Raybon or the sound-man would wave their cellphone when it was time for me to finish, I’d introduce Raybon and leave the stage.

Simple, really.

Then more waiting – The waiting is always the worst part, because all it does is increase the level of unknown, or time to worry over what MIGHT or MIGHT NOT happen.

Then it was show time – Music played and I made my way onto the stage.

It sounds horribly clichéd, but the worry vanished as soon as I set foot on stage. My brain went “Right, you’ve been here before, just do it!”

And I did

I told jokes.

No-one booed.

PEOPLE LAUGHED!

I didn’t stuff up!

I saw a waving cellphone, introduced Raybon and left the stage.

I’D DONE IT!

I checked the time on my phone and found I had been up there for 15 minutes – not five, so I couldn’t have been too bad.

I sat quietly in the back of the venue and watched the professional do his work – he was great!

At half time he came back and we talked. Raybon said I had been great, but said “Couldn’t you see us waving the light?”

“The one at the end? Yeah I saw that and then introduced you.”

“No, no, that was the last one we used, we’d waved a light at five minutes, but you mustn’t have seen it – we tried a couple”

“Oh.”

Cue that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach again…

(s)No(w) Joke – It Snowed in Napier!

I'm a snowman!

I’m a snowman!

Mondays.

Garfield hated them.

If anything is likely to go wrong, chances are it will do so first thing on a Monday morning and tarnish the rest of your week’s hopeful potential.

But today, Monday the 25th of May 2015 was just strange.

I started early in the morning, drove to work in the dark, with only the slightest hint of overnight rain on the ground.

I have no real external view from the desk I use in my office, so when someone came in and said it was snowing in Bay View I thought they were taking the mickey.

But they weren’t.

As I grabbed the morning’s second cup of coffee, I moved around the corner of my desk and got a view out of my office’s lone window. It appeared to be raining, but very half-heartedly – the drops were floating down more than falling.

Then they got thicker…

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And Bigger….

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AND WHITER!!!

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IT WAS SNOWING!!!

Cue childish merriment ensnaring an otherwise middle-aged office workforce and cell phones appearing from everywhere to take pictures and video of this most rare of situations.

Most of Napier is barely above sea-level and very close to the sea, so snow is something we normally only ever see on the news, or in person if you are one of those brave souls who climb large rocks, ski, or have an to unexplainable urges to chase mountain goats around their home turf.

I can only remember one other occasion around 15 years ago when it snowed in Napier, so today was special.

While the snow didn’t really settle, my goodness, did it fall!

Maybe SOME Mondays aren’t that bad after all!..

Anti-Social Media: Network Broadcasting in NZ

I wish this was a new problem, but it has been going on for as long as I've been a curmudgeon! ;)

I wish this was a new problem, but it has been going on for as long as I’ve been a curmudgeon! 😉

Broadcast media in New Zealand is struggling. Watching live, free to air television is becoming a thing of the past as the quality of content drops and viewers switch to the internet to watch the latest episodes of shows, where they want, when they want.

Similarly, despite hundreds of stations to choose from, former radio audiences now make their own playlists of downloaded songs to listen to at home, at work and on the go.

Who is to blame? While the evolution of technology and the fickleness of modern consumers certainly must play a part, I would argue the biggest contributor to audiences turning off mainstream broadcast media had been the media themselves.

The scale with which tight-fisted network simulcasting and cronyism (or “cross-promotion” as they would probably prefer to call it) has encroached across our screens and airwaves has become suffocating – Not only to its audiences, but to the broadcasters who instigated and maintain it.

Of all broadcast media, radio has always been the most “personal” – it’s just you and your radio. Indeed, one of the first things they teach in announcer training is that you aren’t talking to hundreds or thousands of people, but to just one person listening at home, or in their car etc.

The voice across the airwaves wasn’t some stranger, it was your friend. Some announcers even took on familial names – Maud Basham and Reverend Colin Scrimgeour became “Aunt Daisy” and “Uncle Scrim” in the early days of New Zealand radio.

Later on, when most cities had their own station, broadcasting became “Live and local, 24 hours a day!” If there was a fire in Hastings, you heard about it straight away. A crash blocked a road in Napier? They gave you detour directions as it was cleared. Some minor local celebrities were created, but it also kept you close. You often met announcers in the street.

Then in the 90’s profits started to take over. Individual stations were bought up, joined into national networks and local content was stripped back and in many cases away completely.

“Live” and “local” became too “costly” and “old fashioned”. The personal touch gave way to a wide, sweeping brush.

Ring up the local station (now an 0800 number) to ask about a fire in Havelock and you will be asked “Is that Havelock in Nelson, or Havelock North in Hawke’s Bay?” Similarly, just for fun, try asking what the weather is doing at the moment and you’re likely to receive an answer very different to reality.

Take NZME’s “The Hits” network for example: It has 25 “stations” / frequencies across the country. Each broadcasts five to seven different shows per day with one to two announcers hosting each show.

17 of those stations have a sole local announcer, usually on the breakfast show and three stations have two local announcers – again usually a breakfast radio duo like Hawke’s Bay’s “Martin and Sarah”.

Four stations have no local announcers at all – including Kapiti and Whanganui, whose “local” announcer is simulcast from Wellington and Palmerston North respectively.

In total the network has 31 “local” announcers, given the 8 announcers who are simulcast throughout the country from NZME Radio’s main studio in Auckland are technically “local” in Auckland.

This means around 158 announcing positions across the country are covered by the same 8 people in Auckland.

That hardly seems fair on local listeners, locally based broadcasters or those wanting to break into the industry.

The other main player on our airwaves, Mediaworks, is just as bad with just as may stations simulcasting just as many shows from their Auckland studios.

We are supposed to believe these few announcers are the cream of the broadcasting crop – at the top of their game. But they’re not.

As New Zealand’s two biggest radio networks vie for listeners – each trying so hard to be different to the other, just like teenagers searching for their individual identity, they all too often end up being almost exactly the same. Bland, networked drivel rules the airwaves.

Even when networks re-structure, there is little actual change.

NZME Radio “rearranged their deckchairs” in the last twelve months. But all it basically meant was the more seasoned announcers (two or three years on one station is a VERY long time, never mind 20!) on the youth-targeted ZM network moved to the studio next door and now voice the more “Classic” “Hits” network.

Where is the new talent? Where are the fresh, new voices?

It’s hardly surprising that the main examples of successful graduates the New Zealand Broadcasting School (long considered New Zealand’s premiere broadcast media training facility in Christchurch) uses are all now based in London!

Once again New Zealand’s biggest export proves to be its talented youth!

But it gets worse for broadcasting job-seekers.

It’s no longer good enough for networks to try and dominate one media platform – they must dominate ALL platforms!

Paul Henry and Mike Hosking are prime examples. Mediaworks have (unsuccessfully it appears) attempted to put all their eggs in one basket by dropping the individual Radio Live, 3 Breakfast News programmes and regular internet news service (at least a dozen jobs down the tubes in total there) and replaced them with “The Paul Henry Show” which broadcasts across television, radio AND the internet simultaneously.

Not to be out-done, Hosking hosts the breakfast show on NZME’s simulcast “Newstalk ZB” network, has a regular column in the NZ Herald (also owned by NZME), as well as being the headline act in TVNZ’s derided “Seven Sharp” and now has his own op-ed videos on NZ Herald’s online edition!

And it’s not just news shows.

Mediaworks seems hell-bent on dumbing down our television screens with board member’s pet “hyper-reality” shows. No matter how dire, repetitive, convoluted, or just plain crap these televisual offerings are, Mediaworks’ other brands, stations and network staff will still sing their praises.

“Hey, did you see ‘Show Z’ last night, wasn’t it great!?” they will broadcast, tweet and opine.

“Oh, look! Who just happens to be walking on to the set of “My Kitchen Garden Rebuild is New Zealand’s Top Singer” – it’s Dave and Jane from ‘Bland FM’ with the contestants’ latest challenge!”
How convenient…

Need a host for your new show? Why have auditions for someone new, when you can just shimmy a current staff member over from another of your network’s brands?

Can someone else have a turn, please?

Yes, they can!

Here is where the wonder of SOCIAL media comes in. You can say what you want, listen to who you want and share things with like-minded and located people.

Ask online about that fire in Havelock and you will be told precisely where it is, when it started, how big it is and likely get pictures and video live from the scene. Similarly, live weather tracking from nearby online friends will allow you to get the towels in just before the sky opens.

Social media does what it says on the packet – it is a SOCIAL MEDIA! It has a (world-)wide broadcast range, but it can also have the most personal of touches. It works superbly.

If traditional media’s income, reach, influence and almighty ratings are hurt by that, then they have only themselves to blame.

It’s an Interesting Life – My 100th Post!

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A few weeks ago when I was getting my hair cut the barber said “I’ve seen you in the paper a fair bit recently. Do they give you a call whenever they are getting low on news to fill up space?”

My first reaction was to think – “Gee, what a douche-bag! Looks like I’ll be getting my hair done elsewhere from now on…”

My second reaction was to actually say “No. I just have an interesting life that occasionally involves situations that deserve publication!”

And, as this is my 100th “Napier in Frame” post, I think that’s true!

Over the past two-and-a-bit years I’ve:

Been fortunate to end up in some unique situations,

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To do stuff I love,

Merv

To meet wonderful, interesting people,

The team gathers before the game...

The team gathers before the game…

To share trials, triumphs and tragedy,

Double Grandad

Have some fun,

"Where are we going, Wilbur?"

“Where are we going, Wilbur?”

Generate debate and discussion,

beggar

And, more often than not, to have a bloody good vent!

g

I have also been very fortunate to have you, my readers, get involved, give support and feedback and, well, read my posts! It makes the whole exercise worthwhile.

angel

So, thank you!

Here’s to another 100+ posts and, who knows. maybe even something professional may come of it! (I’ll write for food and / or money!) 😉

Scarface Claw Part Two – On the Road

The first rule about Fight Club is "You do not blog about Fight Club!"

The first rule about Fight Club is “You do not blog about Fight Club!”

Two weeks ago I had some more Basal Cell Carcinomas removed from my face.

But, instead of having it done privately here in Hawke’s Bay, I had them removed at Lower Hutt Hospital (apparently it’s cheaper or easier for NZ’s health system to pay for my travel to and accommodation in Lower Hutt than it is to send a surgeon up here).

It’s a trip I have made on three occasions over recent years – taking Mum down for similar surgery, the last time being two years ago.

Dad didn’t feel comfortable making the long drives there and back so I would take them down and take Mum to her appointments while Dad and I would mooch around Lower Hutt and occasionally go into central Wellington.

While Mum always seemed extra-stressed by the imminence of surgery, it meant I could spend some time with her and Dad – something you don’t get much chance to do as you get older. Dad and I, by comparison, always managed to have a good time while in Lower Hutt and I have very fond memories of our trips down there.

Those memories were made even more precious by my appointment being set for just over a year since Dad died. So I decided to make this trip for my surgery a bit of a homage to him.

I left Napier at ‘zero-dark-thirty’ on Monday morning, catching a beautiful sunrise over the Takapau Plains. The weather forecast for the Tararua region had not been too positive for the trip down and sure enough, the moment I left the Takapau Plains (Hawke’s Bay), climbed that first little hill, dropped down into the Butcher’s Creek valley and crossed the bridge into the Tararua district, the heavens opened and the wind roared.

I took a break for breakfast and sat out of the worst of the weather at McDonalds in Dannevirke (a regular stop on previous trips), followed by a stop in Masterton to visit some friends, then over the Rimutaka Ranges, into the Hutt Valley and to my hotel just before midday.

With some time to kill before my appointment and comfort food to stockpile, I walked across the road to Lower Hutt’s Queensgate Mall to get lunch and other necessary provisions (i.e.: donuts, chocolate etc.), before catching a bus to Hutt Hospital and going under the knife.

My surgeon on this occasion was a young Irish lady and removing five of the little BCC buggers took just under two hours.

Feeling a little tender and resembling Marv from Sin City, I took the bus back to Queensgate, before deciding to go for a wander around Lower Hutt’s CBD – Wellington’s notorious, snow-chilled southerly wind providing an uncharacteristically welcome relief on my sore face.

Queensgate had been a “base of operations” for Dad and I on previous visits, particularly our first trip some years ago, when Mum was an inpatient at the hospital for a week and we had a lot of time to kill. As a result I know the place back-to-front – especially where the food is!

Dinner came from a Chinese buffet in one of the mall’s two big food courts, followed by yet another wander around and one of two food homages to Dad.

On that first week-long trip down, Dad and I would have dinner in the food court each night before going back to our hotel. On the walk back through the mall, we would pass a Wendy’s Ice Cream and Hot Dog kiosk. Now I have a reasonably bottomless stomach and Dad would normally complain at how full dinner had made him, but whenever we went past this kiosk, he would ask if I fancied a “Shake ‘n Dog” (milkshake and hot dog combo) with him. How could I refuse? We sat on a nearby couch, ate, drank and watched the mall’s world go by.

Getting a Shake ‘n Dog became our “thing” each night after dinner that week and carried on to subsequent trips, so that was a stop I could not miss.

The next morning was cold and blustery, so I was keen to get on the road and home, but I had one more food stop to make.

Dinner and breakfast - "For Dad"

Dinner and breakfast – “For Dad”

Across the road from Hutt Hospital is a café that, due to its location, surely does a roaring trade. They also do a wonderful all-day breakfast of toast, eggs, bacon and chips that Dad and I discovered on our second trip down – this time Mum had an appointment like mine – travel down, in and out of out-patients, stay the night and then home. So, while she had her procedure, Dad and I would enjoy a nice cooked lunch together. It was so nice it became another of our “things”. As usual, it was lovely and I raised my coffee cup in his memory.

To break up the trip on the way home I stopped at the summit of the Rimutaka Ranges road, something I have never done before, for a wander and a nosey. The road really is a wonderful piece of engineering, clinging to the side of cliffs in a gorgeously rugged piece of natural New Zealand.

The Rough and Rugged Rimutakas

The Rough and Rugged Rimutakas

My next stop was another essential, but just for my wife and I whenever we pass through the region, at Schoc Chocolates in Greytown, followed by a pause for remembrance in Carterton and a visit to a business in Masterton I have dealt with through work for ten years, but never actually met in person until now were my last Wairarapa stops.

Another tradition Mrs In Frame and I have – a milkshake from “Tinkerbell Dairy” in Dannevirke was my last stop of the trip before skirting a hailstorm just north of the Danish-founded town, which provided the most entertainment of the last stage home to my wife and Baby in Frame.

A "Must-do" in "Dannevegas"! ;)

A No visit to “Dannevegas”is complete without a milkshake from Tinkerbell Dairy! 😉

Due to the nature of Basal Cell Carcinomas, I doubt this will be the last trip I make to Lower Hutt. But at least I now have some traditions to follow on the trip and fond memories to keep me company while I am away. 🙂

An Easter Public Service Announcement

Funny Bunny

Dear consumers

The SPCCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Chocolate Animals) would like to remind you this Easter that if you are the recipient of a chocolate Easter bunny PLEASE eat it head / ears-first, so as to put the poor creature out of its misery quicker.

The “feet first” approach has now been officially deemed as inhumane by numerous international chocolate animal agencies.

Yours sincerely

George T. Caramello Koala
Spokesbar
SPCCA

Just Spray (Money) and Walk Away!

This little doozy almost snuck under the radar, printed in the Napier Mail last week (week begining 16 Feb 2015)

This little doozy almost snuck under the radar, printed in the Napier Mail last week (week begining 16 Feb 2015)

I’m pleased to announce that Napier’s beleaguered Museum, Theatre, Gallery’s (“MTG”) problems have apparently all gone away!
You’ll be excused for not noticing the change as, while publicised, it did seem to be done all hush-hush.

I’ve previously mentioned the wildly inaccurate consultant’s visitor number calculations, woeful storage capacity issues, over-priced entry fees, staff restructures, job losses and all the associated bad press and public opinion that go with it, but before these problems could “go gentle into that quiet night”, there was one final financial flaw to face – Napier City Council announced recently that the facility’s operating costs were expected to be $500,000 more than budgeted.

Half a million dollars!

That’s TWO Dibble sculptures worth! 😉

While a fair bit of that budget blow-out is from continuingly lack-lustre visitor numbers, a fair amount would also result from the workforce restructure NCC instituted last year and pay-outs for redundancies and the like.

But we needn’t worry about that money any more – It’s all been fixed financially, after Napier City Council’s Finance Committee (Which actually includes ALL COUNCILLORS) elected to retire MTG’s debt of $5,000,000. You read right – not just this year’s blowout of $500,000, but the WHOLE debt of FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!

The money – YOUR RATEPAYER MONEY – was re-distributed from the proceeds of land sales in Parklands.

The council’s spin team evidently decided that a clean slate was required – All the bad decisions, big debts and former staff have gone and everyone can start afresh with no memory of the past.

So it isn’t too surprising to find our local paper, The Hawke’s Bay Today, appeared to give almost too-glowing coverage of MTG’s new director Laura Vodanovich’s appointment, arrival and first few days in office.

The paper has even given the new director her own column in their weekend edition.

That’s an awful lot of support for someone who’s barely been in the job long enough to get their chair warm, let alone turn MTG’s fortunes (literally and figuratively) around. I don’t remember Douglas Lloyd-Jenkins being accorded such support.

I wonder what the turn-around time is these days between pandering and being on the endangered species list?

Napier in Frame – Fashion Designer!

I'm NOT too sexy for my shirt... ;)

I’m NOT too sexy for my shirt… 😉

About five years ago I came up with an idea.

Having never been a big fan of the whole “Art Deco is all there is to Napier” mind-set that seems to rule our city, I decided to make a statement and wear my heart (and opinion) on my chest.

I came up with a slogan – “Art Deco is SO Last Century”, made up a design to accompany it and got about a dozen T-shirts printed off, selling them to like-minded friends.

They went down a treat and I, along with many of my friends still wear their T-shirts years later on Art Deco Weekends, such as the one that hits Napier tomorrow.

They still draw attention, good natured laughs (usually from visitors in period-themed costumes) as well as the ire of some of the snootier-nosed Napier “Deco-ites”.

I had been meaning to reproduce the shirts for some years, but time, demand, money and all the usual trappings of life seemed to get in the way.
But this year I finally got a chance to get a good run-up and have another batch made.

Two went to friends who had been waiting for me to make more, but I do still have T-shirts sized Small, Medium, Large and XL available.

Do you fancy making a (fashion) statement this Art Deco Weekend?

Then let me know! 

Whinge Away!

g

I have noticed a disturbing trend emerging in Hawke’s Bay recently – no-one is allowed to complain. About anything.

If you do, you are a “Hater”, or a “Knocker”. Basically, it’s devolved into George W. Bush-esque “You’re either with us or against us” bullshit.

You don’t like the fact a giant container park has grown skywards, right next to Napier’s picturesque Estuary nature reserve? Then you don’t support new jobs being created!

Or If you think Lawrence Yule’s roles as Hastings mayor, amalgamation advocate and head of Local Government New Zealand might all conflict in some way? Or that using ratepayer money pay for promoting Hastings District Council’s pro-amalgamation (and inevitably Napier City Council’s anti-amalgamation) viewpoints could be considered as some level of graft or misappropriation of public funds, then you don’t support democracy, or making Hawke’s Bay a better place!

What a croc….

Sadly, the sentiment has been around for a while – it has even been ingrained in HB local body policy.

A Massey University researcher found Napier City Council’s code of conduct “stifles the free speech of councillors”.

Massey University’s Dr Catherine Strong analysed codes of conduct of all New Zealand’s city and district councils and found:

“Napier City Council was the only Hawke’s Bay council to include what she called “disturbing” wording preventing elected representatives’ talking to the media about anything negative within their council.

According to Napier City Council’s code of conduct, statements from councillors should not “make personal criticism of the proper conduct of the council or of other elected members, officers of the council or members of the public”.

Napier Mayor Bill Dalton said his council’s code of conduct was “”toughened up” over 10 years ago during a period when the council “almost became dysfunctional” due to infighting between councillors”.

“There were councillors on the council at that stage who spent more time attacking each other than they did working for the city. The whole idea was to be able to deal with that and in fact the voters of Napier dealt with it in the 2004 elections.” Following the elections “the problem went away”.

The councillors he is referring to were Dave Bosely and current “A Better Hawke’s Bay” / pro-amalgamation spokesperson, John Harrison.

I remember that time and the ongoing feud that carried on throughout local papers and around the city. At times it was very petty and not a particularly good look for the council, or either councillor, but it at least showed there was debate and differing opinions going on between our civic leaders.

“It certainly hasn’t been necessary since and in my eight years on council there has been absolutely no need for the code of conduct to even be looked at.” says Mayor Dalton.

That’s because Dalton’s predecessor Barbara Arnott and her CEO Neil Taylor appeared to have their feet firmly down on the throat of any form of dissent. As a result you heard virtually nothing from anyone except the mayor and CEO for years.

But the policy is still there and could very well have been part of one of the things NCC’s former economic development manager Ron Massey was dismissed for after he allegedly poo-pooed NCC’s failed Art Deco buses at a HB Tourism meeting.

But let’s be perfectly honest, WHO COULD BLAME HIM?? Pretty much every Napier ratepayer who had to pay for that sorry mess was critical of it, so why couldn’t some NCC staff be too?

By comparison, all of last term’s councillors voted for the cursed things (as far as I can tell), and were able to laugh off the large ratepayer-funded loss. Nobody criticised anyone else (keeping within code of conduct guidelines) and NO-ONE WAS MADE ACCOUNTABLE! What a win-win situation!

As Doctor Strong said of her results: “Most people elect their local councillors because they want some changes or they want them to look over what’s going on at the council and make sure it’s on the right path.”

If you see something is wrong it’s your right, your duty, to point it out – to make people aware of it and to fix it. Or, if you can’t, get it fixed.

There was a quote I read recently:

“This is your world – Shape it, or someone else will”

I say “Vox Populi”– Whinge away!

Napier and Hawke’s Bay deserve better!

Fifty Shades of an Idiot

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You may remember a while a go I entered a competition the Edge radio station’s “Forbidden Fiction” competition and won $500 with my story “The Sexiest Thing a Man Can Do” – a tounge-in-cheek take on the Fifty Shades of Gray franchise.

Well, with the movie adaption of the book being released a week or two ago, the Edge had another competition to win tickets to the premiere and I couldn’t resist having another go. I didn’t win, but still think my entry is worth sharing.

Don’t worry – It’s only NSFW if you have a dirty mind 😉

So here you go:

When they had started work at The Edge, Jay-Jay, Mike & Dom had been told their boss, Mr Wratt was a strict disciplinarian who always got what he wanted. Over time they had developed a close bond and a mutual affection had grown between them. He had even allowed them to call him by his first name – Leon.
But today things had gotten just too dirty. The Morning Madhouse trio had been very naughty and had to be punished.
Their sodden clothes lay discarded in the corner of the studio, leaving them wearing only their underwear.
Dom sat tied to his chair by microphone leads; his shirt had been rolled up and tied across his mouth, gagging him.
Jay-Jay stood next to him, her fingers pinching and twisting, her hands rubbing up and down furiously through layers of whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
Opposite her, Mike grasped a shaft so thick and stiff it required a double-handed grip. He was thrusting it backwards and forwards with reckless abandon. With each stroke it made a moist sucking sound, eliciting a muffled, gleeful giggle from Dom.
The studio windows had started to fog up when the door burst open and Leon’s chiselled form strode in, inspecting the debauched scene.
“Jay-Jay – have you finished cleaning the control desk?”
“Yes, Mr Wratt!”
“Mike – how is the carpet shampooing coming along?”
“Almost done, sir!
“Mfftphhtdfft!” grunted Dom from under his gag.
“Don’t you even bloody start, Dominic!” Growled Leon
“Having a frappuccino fight live on air was your stupid idea in the first place! Now you’ll just have to sit there and think about what you’ve done while your colleagues clean up your mess!
Jay-Jay and Mike both leered at him.
“This would make an awesome book” Thought Dom
“Fifty Shades of an Idiot!”