Pulling Stumps on a Great Season

Posted on April 9, 2015 by Andrew Frame

Volunteering at McLean Park’s Cricket World Cup games.
Photo c/o Steve Dykes

As the nights get longer, rain finally begins falling in Hawke’s Bay and soccer, rugby and netball become the weekend sports du jour, it finally gives me a chance to catch up on all the tasks around Casa Del NapierinFrame that have been ignored over summer and look back on what has been quite a wonderful six months of cricket.

As I’ve written before, I love cricket.

It’s the most endearing, frustrating, thrilling, tiring, exciting sport I have ever played. This season has been exceptional, though.

Along with playing club cricket EVERY weekend (for the second year in a row, there was not one single rained-out game), I was fortunate enough to take part in a whole lot of other cricket-related goodness.

For the first time in my ten year cricketing career I took up the mantle of captain of my team, the “Napier Old Boys Marist Hobblers”, for the season. To make things even more interesting, we had an almost entirely new squad from last season. But we gelled quickly, dismissing one team for a mere 44 runs and causing a few upsets during a run of good form.

I personally had a purple patch on the pitch, taking four catches in as many games and closing in on my elusive “double-figures for the season” target on several occasions – even hitting the winning runs in one game, but leaving me stranded on 9 not out.

In December I got to dress up in a duck costume, play epic air guitar and usher scoreless players off the pitch at the McLean Park edition of the “Georgie Pie Super Smash T20” competition.

In January, I was “bowled over” (the newspaper’s line, not mine) to be selected as the Central Districts winner of Specsavers’ “Favourite Local Cricket Umpire” competition for my years as a player-umpire in HB cricket – for which I won $500, two pairs of glasses and a Black Caps playing jersey!

In February, I and seven of my 4th Grade Hobblers teammates found ourselves in a unique position – playing Premiere-grade cricket!

Our regular Prems team was down in Palmerston North competing in the Central Districts Club Knockout Champs, so couldn’t play on the usual game day. Neither Hawke’s Bay Cricket or their opposition, Taradale Cricket Club would let them defer the game to a later date and HB Cricket told us if the team defaulted they would try to disqualify us from the CD competition, so a replacement had to be found.

Cometh “The Hobbler Prems”.

The welfare of my team is always forefront in my mind and going up three grades to play Premiere-level with some VERY fast bowlers and heavy hitters, my main concern was the safety of my teammates, so extra helmets and protective equipment was brought in.

With three Prem players, who elected to stay back and help us in the game and travel to Palmerston North afterwards, opening the batting and putting on 150, the rest of us were able to add an extra 97 runs (and more importantly no injuries), leaving our regular-Prem opposition a reasonable total of 248 to win.

But they didn’t!

In one long, gloriously cricketing afternoon, the Hobblers’ mouse roared. Our bowling and fielding effort was outstanding and we won by 22 runs! Quite possibly the most memorable NOBMCC game in recent history.

After the match I sent a text to our Prems coach that said “We’ve done our part, now you do yours!” They happily obliged – winning the CD Knockout Champs and going on to represent Central Districts in the National Club Knockout Champs over Easter.

Ironically, the prems game was the last one we won for the rest of the season and the Hobblers were out of contention for the finals, but it was a wonderful season.

Then, of course, we had the Cricket World Cup and New Zealand’s epic performance in the competition.

We may not have won the final, but were certainly the moral victors of the tournament.

McLean Park hosted three games (Pakistan v United Arab Emirates, New Zealand v Afghanistan and United Arab Emirates v West Indies) and I was one of the hundreds who volunteered. My job was as “Media Assistant” and I ended up looking after the reporters and photographers throughout the three games.

It was a great experience and I got to meet some of my cricketing idols – NZ’s Ian Smith, South Africa’s Shaun Pollock, England’s Sir Ian Botham and someone as tall as me – West Indies’ Curtly Ambrose.

During Napier’s games, I also helped Kent Baddeley in making a delectable degustation for some of my club-mates at Ten24.

To use the culinary term – it was the cherry on top of a glorious season!

An Easter Public Service Announcement

Posted on April 2, 2015 by Andrew Frame

Dear consumers

The SPCCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Chocolate Animals) would like to remind you this Easter that if you are the recipient of a chocolate Easter bunny PLEASE eat it head / ears-first, so as to put the poor creature out of its misery quicker.

The “feet first” approach has now been officially deemed as inhumane by numerous international chocolate animal agencies.

Yours sincerely

George T. Caramello Koala
Spokesbar
SPCCA

Dam(n) Hypocrisy

Posted on March 25, 2015 by Andrew Frame

OK, someone stick a fork in the Hawke’s Bay Regional Council – it’s DONE!

To use cricketing parlance, Christine Scott – one of Napier’s three representatives on the council, Deputy HBRC Chair and ardent Ruataniwha Water Storage Scheme backer – has nicked one behind to the keeper and caught herself out.

Now, as anyone with an ounce of fair play in their system would do needs to walk.

She’s out.

That’s it.

Bye-bye!

Councilor Scott packed such a big hissy fit when fellow councilor, but anti-RWSS advocate, Tom Belford, posted this blog claiming fellow councillors (including Mrs Scott and HBRC Chairman Fenton Wilson) and senior council staff wanted the Ruataniwha dam built “at any cost”.

“In her complaint to Chairman Fenton, Mrs Scott said the claims in the post were untrue, offensive and derogatory”

But in today’s Hawke’s Bay Today she says:

“We have already spent quite a considerable sum of money ($20 MILLION and counting – AF) in investigations to get to here. This dam will go ahead at some stage. Whether it is started this year, next year or whether it’s ten or 20 years out from now, it will go ahead”

Unlike this whole damn dam venture, that last quote is just priceless!

You’ve caught yourself out, Christine!

Go.

Resign.

Leave. Right. NOW!

You have proved your intent to have this horribly expensive debacle go ahead at any cost – TO YOUR RATEPAYERS.

You seem to forget those same ratepayers are also your employers.

To me at least, that is an abuse of power and a huge dishonor to your position – you no longer deserve it!

Fun and Yum with Cricketing Cuisine

Posted on March 25, 2015 by Andrew Frame

The team gathers before the game…

I am fortunate to have some wonderful friends.

I’ve been playing cricket for Napier Old Boys’ Marist for ten years now and have been club secretary for five of those years. Working and playing with the same people over such a long time forms some tight bonds and I do consider a lot of my club-mates as family.

Hawke’s Bay’s social media community – especially the local Twitterers are also one of the, literally, most social groups of people I know and we have formed some very strong friendships with people we have met via the interweb.

So when the two combine, something special can happen.

I had the pleasure of being involved in just such an occasion this month.

Culinary genius and all-round good bugger, Kent Baddeley of Ten 24, had taken to Facebook to get input on ideas for dinner events over the coming months. I chipped in with a cricket-themed dinner concept to celebrate the Cricket World Cup games being held in Napier. I and a couple other Facebook friends brainstormed dish titles like “Silly Mid Off”, “Bowl a Maiden Over”, “The Ashes” and the like.

Kent liked the idea and set me the task of coming up with a menu, pricing etc. and getting a crowd along. If I could do it, Mrs NapierinFrame and I could dine for free – now there was an offer I couldn’t refuse!

Some creative thinking and Googling lots of food ideas resulted in a five course dinner menu, based around a One Day International match format:

Now, to get a crowd…
Hmmm…
Where could I find a couple dozen people who like cricket and food…?
I know – My cricket club!!

So early this month a diverse group of my fellow club and team-mates gathered in “Pakowhaishire” for what would be a truly glorious dinner.

Kent had kept the course names, but came up with his own wonderful dishes (as I’d hoped he would) and all the guests, many of whom had never been to Ten24 before but will surely be back, were gob-smacked.

Pictures were taken, tweets were sent and statuses were updated, and the whole occasion bounced around the world on social media and by word of mouth for days afterwards.

The more people heard about it, the more wished they were there.

It looks like this may even become an annual event, with even more attendees and I hope it does because, as I said, I am fortunate to have some wonderful friends!

Just Spray (Money) and Walk Away!

Posted on February 24, 2015 by Andrew Frame

This little doozy almost snuck under the radar, printed in the Napier Mail last week (week begining 16 Feb 2015)

I’m pleased to announce that Napier’s beleaguered Museum, Theatre, Gallery’s (“MTG”) problems have apparently all gone away!
You’ll be excused for not noticing the change as, while publicised, it did seem to be done all hush-hush.

I’ve previously mentioned the wildly inaccurate consultant’s visitor number calculations, woeful storage capacity issues, over-priced entry fees, staff restructures, job losses and all the associated bad press and public opinion that go with it, but before these problems could “go gentle into that quiet night”, there was one final financial flaw to face – Napier City Council announced recently that the facility’s operating costs were expected to be $500,000 more than budgeted.

Half a million dollars!

That’s TWO Dibble sculptures worth! 😉

While a fair bit of that budget blow-out is from continuingly lack-lustre visitor numbers, a fair amount would also result from the workforce restructure NCC instituted last year and pay-outs for redundancies and the like.

But we needn’t worry about that money any more – It’s all been fixed financially, after Napier City Council’s Finance Committee (Which actually includes ALL COUNCILLORS) elected to retire MTG’s debt of $5,000,000. You read right – not just this year’s blowout of $500,000, but the WHOLE debt of FIVE MILLION DOLLARS!

The money – YOUR RATEPAYER MONEY – was re-distributed from the proceeds of land sales in Parklands.

The council’s spin team evidently decided that a clean slate was required – All the bad decisions, big debts and former staff have gone and everyone can start afresh with no memory of the past.

So it isn’t too surprising to find our local paper, The Hawke’s Bay Today, appeared to give almost too-glowing coverage of MTG’s new director Laura Vodanovich’s appointment, arrival and first few days in office.

The paper has even given the new director her own column in their weekend edition.

That’s an awful lot of support for someone who’s barely been in the job long enough to get their chair warm, let alone turn MTG’s fortunes (literally and figuratively) around. I don’t remember Douglas Lloyd-Jenkins being accorded such support.

I wonder what the turn-around time is these days between pandering and being on the endangered species list?

Napier in Frame – Fashion Designer!

Posted on February 20, 2015 by Andrew Frame

I’m NOT too sexy for my shirt… 😉

About five years ago I came up with an idea.

Having never been a big fan of the whole “Art Deco is all there is to Napier” mind-set that seems to rule our city, I decided to make a statement and wear my heart (and opinion) on my chest.

I came up with a slogan – “Art Deco is SO Last Century”, made up a design to accompany it and got about a dozen T-shirts printed off, selling them to like-minded friends.

They went down a treat and I, along with many of my friends still wear their T-shirts years later on Art Deco Weekends, such as the one that hits Napier tomorrow.

They still draw attention, good natured laughs (usually from visitors in period-themed costumes) as well as the ire of some of the snootier-nosed Napier “Deco-ites”.

I had been meaning to reproduce the shirts for some years, but time, demand, money and all the usual trappings of life seemed to get in the way.
But this year I finally got a chance to get a good run-up and have another batch made.

Two went to friends who had been waiting for me to make more, but I do still have T-shirts sized Small, Medium, Large and XL available.

Do you fancy making a (fashion) statement this Art Deco Weekend?

Then let me know! 

Whinge Away!

Posted on February 20, 2015 by Andrew Frame

I have noticed a disturbing trend emerging in Hawke’s Bay recently – no-one is allowed to complain. About anything.

If you do, you are a “Hater”, or a “Knocker”. Basically, it’s devolved into George W. Bush-esque “You’re either with us or against us” bullshit.

You don’t like the fact a giant container park has grown skywards, right next to Napier’s picturesque Estuary nature reserve? Then you don’t support new jobs being created!

Or If you think Lawrence Yule’s roles as Hastings mayor, amalgamation advocate and head of Local Government New Zealand might all conflict in some way? Or that using ratepayer money pay for promoting Hastings District Council’s pro-amalgamation (and inevitably Napier City Council’s anti-amalgamation) viewpoints could be considered as some level of graft or misappropriation of public funds, then you don’t support democracy, or making Hawke’s Bay a better place!

What a croc….

Sadly, the sentiment has been around for a while – it has even been ingrained in HB local body policy.

A Massey University researcher found Napier City Council’s code of conduct “stifles the free speech of councillors”.

Massey University’s Dr Catherine Strong analysed codes of conduct of all New Zealand’s city and district councils and found:

“Napier City Council was the only Hawke’s Bay council to include what she called “disturbing” wording preventing elected representatives’ talking to the media about anything negative within their council.

According to Napier City Council’s code of conduct, statements from councillors should not “make personal criticism of the proper conduct of the council or of other elected members, officers of the council or members of the public”.

Napier Mayor Bill Dalton said his council’s code of conduct was “”toughened up” over 10 years ago during a period when the council “almost became dysfunctional” due to infighting between councillors”.

“There were councillors on the council at that stage who spent more time attacking each other than they did working for the city. The whole idea was to be able to deal with that and in fact the voters of Napier dealt with it in the 2004 elections.” Following the elections “the problem went away”.

The councillors he is referring to were Dave Bosely and current “A Better Hawke’s Bay” / pro-amalgamation spokesperson, John Harrison.

I remember that time and the ongoing feud that carried on throughout local papers and around the city. At times it was very petty and not a particularly good look for the council, or either councillor, but it at least showed there was debate and differing opinions going on between our civic leaders.

“It certainly hasn’t been necessary since and in my eight years on council there has been absolutely no need for the code of conduct to even be looked at.” says Mayor Dalton.

That’s because Dalton’s predecessor Barbara Arnott and her CEO Neil Taylor appeared to have their feet firmly down on the throat of any form of dissent. As a result you heard virtually nothing from anyone except the mayor and CEO for years.

But the policy is still there and could very well have been part of one of the things NCC’s former economic development manager Ron Massey was dismissed for after he allegedly poo-pooed NCC’s failed Art Deco buses at a HB Tourism meeting.

But let’s be perfectly honest, WHO COULD BLAME HIM?? Pretty much every Napier ratepayer who had to pay for that sorry mess was critical of it, so why couldn’t some NCC staff be too?

By comparison, all of last term’s councillors voted for the cursed things (as far as I can tell), and were able to laugh off the large ratepayer-funded loss. Nobody criticised anyone else (keeping within code of conduct guidelines) and NO-ONE WAS MADE ACCOUNTABLE! What a win-win situation!

As Doctor Strong said of her results: “Most people elect their local councillors because they want some changes or they want them to look over what’s going on at the council and make sure it’s on the right path.”

If you see something is wrong it’s your right, your duty, to point it out – to make people aware of it and to fix it. Or, if you can’t, get it fixed.

There was a quote I read recently:

“This is your world – Shape it, or someone else will”

I say “Vox Populi”– Whinge away!

Napier and Hawke’s Bay deserve better!

Fifty Shades of an Idiot

Posted on February 16, 2015 by Andrew Frame

You may remember a while a go I entered a competition the Edge radio station’s “Forbidden Fiction” competition and won $500 with my story “The Sexiest Thing a Man Can Do” – a tounge-in-cheek take on the Fifty Shades of Gray franchise.

Well, with the movie adaption of the book being released a week or two ago, the Edge had another competition to win tickets to the premiere and I couldn’t resist having another go. I didn’t win, but still think my entry is worth sharing.

Don’t worry – It’s only NSFW if you have a dirty mind 😉

So here you go:

When they had started work at The Edge, Jay-Jay, Mike & Dom had been told their boss, Mr Wratt was a strict disciplinarian who always got what he wanted. Over time they had developed a close bond and a mutual affection had grown between them. He had even allowed them to call him by his first name – Leon.
But today things had gotten just too dirty. The Morning Madhouse trio had been very naughty and had to be punished.
Their sodden clothes lay discarded in the corner of the studio, leaving them wearing only their underwear.
Dom sat tied to his chair by microphone leads; his shirt had been rolled up and tied across his mouth, gagging him.
Jay-Jay stood next to him, her fingers pinching and twisting, her hands rubbing up and down furiously through layers of whipped cream and chocolate sauce.
Opposite her, Mike grasped a shaft so thick and stiff it required a double-handed grip. He was thrusting it backwards and forwards with reckless abandon. With each stroke it made a moist sucking sound, eliciting a muffled, gleeful giggle from Dom.
The studio windows had started to fog up when the door burst open and Leon’s chiselled form strode in, inspecting the debauched scene.
“Jay-Jay – have you finished cleaning the control desk?”
“Yes, Mr Wratt!”
“Mike – how is the carpet shampooing coming along?”
“Almost done, sir!
“Mfftphhtdfft!” grunted Dom from under his gag.
“Don’t you even bloody start, Dominic!” Growled Leon
“Having a frappuccino fight live on air was your stupid idea in the first place! Now you’ll just have to sit there and think about what you’ve done while your colleagues clean up your mess!
Jay-Jay and Mike both leered at him.
“This would make an awesome book” Thought Dom
“Fifty Shades of an Idiot!”

12 Days of Kiwi Christmas Deliciousness (2014 Edition)

Posted on December 24, 2014 by Andrew Frame

For more years than I can now remember, my wife has been coming up with a special 12 day menu to celebrate the “Twelve Days of Christmas”.

She alternates each year between the traditional and the New Zealand version, otherwise known as “A Pukeko in a Ponga Tree”

Some of the dishes have direct references to the songs, others have used a fair chunk of artistic licence – I’ll do my best to explain as we go.

So sit back and enjoy as I reveal what my true love made for me over the Twelve Days of Kiwi Christmas Deliciousness for 2014:

A Pukeko in a Ponga Tree

Penne Pasta with Carrot-top Pesto:
The heavy “P” count is an alliterative reference to the Pukeko, with the Carrot-Top Pesto representing the Ponga Tree’s foliage – as they look quite similar.

Two Kumara

Baked Kumara Wedges:
Self-explanatory, really 

Three Flax Ketes (“Kits”)

Aubergine Croquettes with Kohl Rabi and Cabbage Slaw:
This is kind of a “two-for-one” deal – the slaw pieces are like the flax that is woven to make the woven ketes / bags, while the croquettes, once crumbed and fried actually looked quite like them too!

Four Huhu Grubs

Coconut Crusted Prawns with Vermicelli Salad:
The prawns are very Huhu Grub- looking, and vermicelli looks like worms. The salad is the undergrowth they live in / feed off.

Five Big Fat Pigs!

Pork Burgers with Bacon, Apple and Fennel:
Big Fat Pigs make Big Fat Pork Burgers! The Bacon is an added bonus, while a feed of apples and fennel would keep your average Kuni-kuni quite happy.

Six Pois a Twirling

Bacon Wrapped Poisson with Home-grown Vegetables:
Poi(sson) was the obvious play on words, the bacon is wrapped around the bird, like the poi’s cover is wrapped around it.

Seven Eels a Swimming

Eggs Benedict Swimming in Hollandaise Sauce:
Eggs for “Eels” and they are swimming in Hollandaise, just as eels swim in creeks.

Eight Plants of Puha

Spinach, Potato, Asparagus and Pea Salad with Tarragon Mayo:
Pretty obvious once again – Puha is a green, leafy, wild vegetable, so we made a salad heavy on the greens and replaced Puha with slightly more mainstream spinach.

Nine Sacks of Pipis

Pomegranate Ice Cream:
The Pomegranates represent the pipis – they’re a similar shape and, like pipis in the low-tide sand, they need digging out!

Ten Juicy Fish Heads

Fish and Chips!
Each year we try to fit a takeaway into the 12 days, mainly to give us a break from cooking, so what could be more Kiwi Christmas to represent fish heads, than Fish and Chips! 

Eleven Haka Lessons

Steak with Roasted Beetroot, Broccoli and Carrots:
All good Haka-performing All Blacks know the importance of a good steak and vegetables in their diet. Like the steak, some rugby players are also quite “Beefy”.
We had intended to do a cauliflower puree (to represent the common rugby injury of “Cauliflower Ear”), but ended up doing broccoli instead.

Twelve Piupius Swinging

Squid Ink Pasta:
As the title indicates, Piupius sway – as do squid tentacles! The Squid ink Pasta also represents the different coloured flaxen strands that make up piupiu skirts.

We hope you’ve been inspired to try some of these, or your own version next Christmas.

From the Napier in Frame family to yours, we wish you a Merry Kiwi Christmas and a safe and happy New Year!

Why I Believe in @NZSecretSanta

Posted on December 23, 2014 by Andrew Frame

Around this time for the last few years Twitter in New Zealand has been a-buzz with Christmas cheer.

The good folks at NZ Post’s Social Media Department came up with the idea of a nation-wide “Secret Santa” scheme – just like the family or office version, but on a much grander scale. I took part for the first time last year and did it again this year.

The trick to being a great SMSS (Social Media Secret Santa) is you have to be a bit of a ninja and investigator. The person you are given to be Secret Santa for can’t know you’re doing it – it’s all very sneaky-sneaky.

Fortunately, most people leave less-than-subtle hints on what they would like. Others just leave it up to the elves, but very good SMSS’s delve deeper and come up with something unexpected and wonderful.

What my Secret Santa got me was far more special than I could ever imagine.

The parcel arrived on my doorstep last Friday (speaking of ninjas, I’m pretty sure our courier driver is one – Drop, Knock, GONE!) and Mrs in Frame told me not to open it until Christmas. I lasted just under 24 hours.

While she went down to the shops and left me minding a sleeping Baby in Frame, I snuck a look at the parcel – expecting it to be wrapped up inside the box it was sent in.

It wasn’t and what I saw made me start crying.

This is what was in the box:

I had an EXCEPTIONAL Secret Santa!

Whomever they were, they had scrolled through my 80+ item blog (that poor, poor, Secret Santa…) and found the blog I wrote about losing my Dad earlier this year.

More importantly, they read one of the last paragraphs and did something my Dad never got to do – soldered up a pair of angel wings for my daughter – his “Little Angel”.

It was a beautiful, heart-felt gift and I thank them with every ounce of my being. Somewhere in New Zealand’s Twitterverse someone is getting a lifetime supply of good Karma!

But it didn’t stop there – I couldn’t resist spreading the good cheer and immediately tweeted a picture of the gift and a link to the blog they got their inspiration from – The response was phenomenal!

This is probably the only time that I’ve ever “gone viral” (other than when I had Chicken Pox last year…).

115 “Favourites” (people “liking” the post), 30 “Retweets” (people sharing it with their followers) and those numbers are still climbing!

This blog, which usually gets only 15-20 views a day (50 if I write something very popular or scandalous), blew out to a massive 542 views on the Saturday I posted the link and a further 110 on Sunday.

The positivity and love was wonderful – and all because of one little heartfelt gift.

I’ve said it so many times before, but I’ll say it again, because I mean it:

Thank you, my Secret Santa!

I hope you have the Merriest Christmas and the Happiest New Year!

Napier In Frame

Author Archives: Andrew Frame

Dam(n) Hypocrisy

Fifty Shades of an Idiot